Day 2 - A Third Row Seat

Today was exactly the kind of February day that I often want to wish away – gray, overcast, and blustery.  While the temperature stayed above freezing, the pervasive dreariness threatened to seep into my thoughts and mood.  Today is the kind of day on which I’m glad to have set out this challenge for myself.

I had a packed weekend, and had nothing “new” planned for today.  I thought this would surely be a day for finding rather than doing something new.  Then, I went to Mass with some friends, and unexpectedly found myself in a new position – sitting in the third row.

Now, I can’t take any credit for the situation.  I did not intend nor expect to sit so close to the front of the church.  On rare occasions I find myself sneaking late into the back rows, but generally I am very comfortable with my usual seat at the five o’clock Mass – right hand side, somewhere in the middle, nestled between relative strangers and singing my heart out (what I lack in talent, I make up for in gusto).  Today, however, I couldn’t squeeze myself into just any spot.  I had come with friends, and we arrived just on time, hoping to sit together.  That left us one option – the first three rows.  If we had any last second thoughts about slinking up to the balcony, they were eradicated by the usher smiling and motioning for us to take the best seats in the house.

I ducked my head and followed my friends to my seat, lifting my gaze only when my behind was planted firmly in the pew.  We looked around and at each other, eyes widening.  This truly was a different view.  Others who shuffled into the pew in front of us displayed similar reactions.  This beautiful church so familiar to many of us looked so very different from this vantage point.  The sound of the choir was clearer and more vibrant, and there were fewer distractions from the word being proclaimed.  The church looked brighter, and everything felt more palpable and immediate in some way.  As the altar and its surroundings were thrown into shaper focus for me, so was my experience of the Mass.  Just as in a class – you can’t get lazy when you’re sitting up front.

I realize that the same psychology I use with my students applies to me as well.  The closer I am to the front of anything - the more present and accountable I’m going to be.  While the back, or even the middle, can be a comfortable and even comforting place to be – it can also be full of distractions, and a seat in the back often leaves what is most important blurred and out of focus.  It’s not that I can’t be successful sitting in the back – it just means that if I choose a seat there, I have to work that much harder.

I can’t say I’ll always or even often choose a seat in the front of any venue, but I can say that I’ll think twice about my perspective, and the presence and participation that is, regardless, required of me.   If not bodily, then at least mentally, I want to be in the seat closest to that which matters most.