Happy Ash Wednesday, folks.
The 40 days begin.
I have a confession to make.
I’m not sure I have ever kept a Lenten resolution. In fact, I’m not sure if I have ever made a
truly, honestly, difficult one. Now,
don’t get me wrong, I thought I was
making a decent resolution at the time, but in retrospect - it wasn’t really that hard to give up cookies in seventh
grade – I just ate cake or ice cream instead.
For the past several years, I have failed to make resolutions at
all. I would make vague plans to be
kinder, judge less, love more etc. etc. etc.
Now, all of these were wonderful sentiments, but without something solid
to grasp onto, I quickly drifted from my best intentions.
I know in some ways it is defeating the purpose to tell you
all my resolution. I’m tooting my horn a
little bit, and Lent is here to remind me that it is truly – never - all about
me. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. This is, however, my “something new” for
today – and for this Lent.
I’ve thought long and hard about this resolution, because I
want it to be something I will stick to, fail at, feel guilty about and then
learn something from. I want it to be
both a sacrifice I will struggle with making, and a daily reminder of this
liturgical season. I considered giving
up meat (I was actually jealous of my brother that he was able to do this last
year. In fact, I’ve always been awed by
– and a envious of - his ability to make and carry out amazing
resolutions. Like showering with cold
water. For forty days. And never, ever, talking about it or
complaining about it). I also thought
about giving up desserts, or swearing (I swear too much – usually when I’m
really, really angry or driving). Ultimately,
I found my inspiration in a random Facebook post on a friend’s wall.
I’m going to give up hitting snooze. Now, this may not seem like a huge sacrifice
to many of you – but I assure you it is a habit I have, at times, claimed I
could never, ever stop. I’m addicted to
the snooze button. As the school year
drags on, I set my alarm minutes earlier - always in increments of nine (the
length of my snooze) and always for an “even” numbered time (I can’t wake up at
an odd time!) – just so I can hit it more times. On the worst days, my first alarm goes off at
4:36, and, depending on how far I want to push it and how frantically I want to
run around, I won’t get out of bed until 5:30.
Sometimes I set two alarms
(one as a back up – just in case), and I end up with overlapping “snoozes.” I
realize that I am revealing a totally bizarre idiosyncrasy, but I don’t think
it’s enough to land me on an episode of “My Strange Addiction.”
The question becomes – why do I hit snooze? In spite of every bit of scientific research
and every sleep study proving otherwise, I think I need to be jarred awake five
or six times before I finally get out of bed.
Those snippets of slumber feel like the best moments of my morning - but
they are not. On the days I actually get
out of bed with enough time to enjoy my cereal and coffee while watching the news
– I invariably feel more centered, focused and ready to start my day.
So this Lent, I’m going to hit the button that doesn’t say snooze (I kid you not – I
don’t even know what it says – that’s how rarely I hit it). It’s going to suck. And each time I drag myself to the shower and
start my Keurig, I’m going to think about why I’m doing this. I’m going to sit on my couch and eat my
cereal, and I might not even turn the news on.
I might listen to my breath and feel my heartbeat and have a little chat
with God. In those moments usually
fogged with subpar sleep, I might instead turn myself inward, so I will be
better able to serve outwardly. That is
my Lenten resolution.
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